fandomhighdorms | Third Floor Common Room, Sunday Morning

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Third Floor Common Room, Sunday Morning

It had been bad enough to wake up as a pony. Now Topher was realizing that his hooves made it impossible to play video games. Video games. IT WAS KILLING HIM. He stomped around on the controllers, trying to figure out a system, but his tiny character just kept getting blasted with fire that he could have avoided if he had had opposable thumbs, damnit.

Stupid controller.

Then it cracked under his hooves. Frustrated, Topher flopped down on the ground in front of the TV. This sucked.

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Kate shrugged, then peered nto the fridge. "Well, any weird stuff like this generally doesn't last more than a few days, if it's not something that's just happening to one person."

"Oh." Topher took another glance at that other guy who'd come in. "Huh."

Then --

"Wait, I have class tomorrow! Am I gonna have to go like this?"

"Possibly." Yeah, Kate and being reassuring didn't really mix. "Though the teachers might be pretty lenient about that. 'Cause they might be ponies too."

That reminded Topher of something, and his eyes widened.

"Wait," he said, and for one moment he tried to flail one of his legs the way he would ordinarily make hand gestures. It didn't work, and he ended up toppling to the ground. "Wait, wait, there's that one teacher who's a pony, right? Oh my god. What if I caught it from her!?"

"I doubt you can catch being a pony," Kate replied, her tone fully conveying just how stupid an idea she found that to be. "Seriously. It'll blow over."

"You don't know that," he cautioned her. "This island has all sorts of weird stuff! Like when I turned into that weird guy and you bit me and stuff. Oh, oh, is that why you're not a pony? Because you're also a vampire?"

Because that made sense how?

"I'm not a vampire." That just needed to be established all crystal clear like. "I was a vampire for that weekend, but not now. Anyway, I doubt even that would have saved me and anyway, how would that even work?"

Oh. Somehow that had escaped his notice the last time she had told him that. Good to know.

"How would what work?" he asked. "The vampire thing? I dunno, maybe they have special powers or something. Like if they can turn into bats, they can probably avoid turning into a pony?"

"Yeah hate to break it to you, but being a vampire doesn't actually save you from the whims of Fandom." Knowing that probably didn't make it seem any less like she was one, but whatever. "Nothing does."

Oh.

"Aw, really?" Topher sympathized. "Sorry."

Wait, wait, wait.

"Except you're not a vampire," he reminded himself, "so that was just a general apology. Not to you specifically. Because you are not one."

"No, I'm not," Kate sighed, glad that point seemed to be sticking, at least. "So yeah, like I was saying, Fandom does this at random. I don't think there are really reasons why I'm not affected."

Except there totally were and she was superpowered and Topher was SO JEALOUS.

"I guess the island just likes you better," he grumbled. "Sucks."

He had to go figure out how to make friends with the island.

"Well, I've been here for two years, and I'm leaving at the end of the summer," Kate shrugged. "Maybe it's trying to trick me into believing it'd be okay for me to stay."

Topher scoffed at that. "Yeah, right," he said. "If you decided to stay, it'd probably turn you into, like, a cockroach or something."

Or a medieval princess. Fandom was wacky like that.

"Or a cat for a month," she said, shrugging again and finally grabbing a few pudding cups from the fridge before closing it. "But if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure I've been specifically targeted by Fandom before."

Topher was jealous. He wanted pudding. Or any snacks at all, really. Stupid lack of fingers.

"Yeah? How? Besides the whole vampire thing."

And Kate wasn't going to part with her pudding for his sake, either.

"Well, I went out on some dates with this guy Warren?" she started, peeling the lid off one of the cups. "They al went wrong in spectacular ways. We're sure it was Fandom fucking with us."

Topher cringed. Ew. Dating.

He had an approach to these things that was not unlike a ten-year-old's.

"Like how?" he brought himself to ask.

"Like the flamingos in the park attacking us," she shared idly. "Or the Perk being invaded by gremlins and us walking into an ambush."

Oh. She was right. That was not normal.

"Dude," he said, impressed. "You guys should definitely stay away from each other."

Maybe he was a little gleeful. It was nothing personal, Kate.

"Yeah," Kate replied dryly, "I think we figured that out by the time there was a boa constrictor crawling up my chair."

Yes, really. At a Starbucks in the Bahamas.

Then Topher had a thought. Not a very polite thought, or a thought he bothered to censor to appear less rude, but a thought nonetheless.

"Are you sure he didn't do it on purpose, like, to get rid of you?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Sorry if that's happened to you, but no."

Psh. Yeah, Kate. Like he'd ever been on a date before.

"How can you be sure?" he pressed.

"Why would I not be?"

She happened to know Warren, thankyouverymuch.

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